The autism mom who vaccinated

The great vaccine debate !! If you are not living under a rock, you have an opinion about this. If you have a child or a loved one who is autistic, you are passionately opinionated about it. Many friendships have been broken over these discussions and many a facebook groups turned into battlegrounds. So, ofCourse, I too , have something to say, but I’m not ready to take sides. I’m here to try to break it down to the not so obvious.

I’ve had my son get every single of his vaccines. On time. Even after he was diagnosed with autism. Even after I saw this vaccine theory splashed all over the internet and even when the doubt creeped up in my mind every now and then that this might just aggravate his autism. I did this because I knew it’s going to save my son’s life and also because I think it’s the responsible thing to do. However, I still wonder whether things would have been different for him if he was not vaccinated. I’ll be lying if I said I don’t think of the possibilities.

I’ve met a couple of parents of autistic kids, which would constitute less than 0.01% of all such parents out there. So this might not reflect any data whatsoever. However, more than 70% of those I’ve met said something along the lines of “our child regressed around the age of 3”. Most of those regression were within a span of a week, with some happening almost as quickly as overnight. That’s around the same time kids get their MMR vaccines.So I’m not surprised that the vulnerable among us fall prey to this theory.

Since medical science has still to give us an answer as to what causes autism and also a way to ease it’s symptoms, the empty space has been invaded by all kinds of myths and pseudo science that desperate parents, looking for a way to help their kids, easily get sold into. They also get disappointed just as often. Now, in a situation as uncertain as this, when you don’t have a cause or a cure, you don’t want to tread into that territory and the anti-vaccine theory promises to keep you away from this mystery called autism. If you’ve seen autism upclose and in it’s more challenging forms, you will most likely be tempted to do anything to stay away from it.

As a parent, it’s heartbreaking to watch your child melt into a lump while having seizures, or have a meltdown in the middle of a store, or be unable to communicate the smallest of things, show extreme aggression towards self or others, or have a brain of a 3 yr old in a body of a 21 yr. Old; to watch him stand alone , to know he is being bullied but he has no way to tell, to know that the future might not hold as much promise as you thought it would for your child. And to avoid that , you might want to go the route that’s not really acceptable but that seems like a way out. You don’t want to rationalize. All you want is that straw to hold on to. I get you because I’m you.

For an autistic child the world is not an easy place. All through their school years they struggle to be included and have a friend, to be not treated like they are good for nothing, a weirdo or a freak. They are most likely pulled out of a regular classroom and put into another one with a glorified name but one that keeps them away from the rest of the students. The classrooms and instructions are not designed for them , keeping their unique learning needs in mind. They struggle because they don’t get a level playing field and finally , very often, a majority of them fall behind. Once transitioned into adulthood there is not much support either. They are on their own navigating a world that is hard for them to understand, adult services and support still rudimentary for most practical purposes. The most common jobs they end up doing is bagging groceries or being at the reception. The more lucky ones go into a handful of organization that are slowly opening up to more inclusive workforce. The rest live a life of dependency and probably face society’s apathy everyday. This is a rough picture of an autistic individual’s lifetime. The picture looks even bleaker to a parent.

As parents we try everything out there- starting from early interventions, to therapy, to bootcamps and diet protocols, from doctors to quacks and everything in between. Not giving vaccines happens to be one of those “things”. So, yes, I understand where you come from. I know the desperation. I know the fear. I know the uncertainty and I know the heartbreak. I also know that you didn’t do it to cause an epidemic. You did it to take a shot at saving your child and yourself the pain of a difficult life.

You probably have been called selfish, stupid and other mean things- judged like you’ve always been and you still took the decision to not vaccinate your child. I am with you , because I know.

But, I also know that vaccinating is the right thing to do. I know that vaccines save lives . Even if for a minute, I believe that it might cause harm, I also know that if vaccinated, my child will not responsible for spreading a disease that probably killed another child. I can live with the doubt that probably the vaccines caused my son’s autism, I cannot live with guilt that while I tried to give my son a better life (based on a controversial , unsubstantiated theory), I endangered many others’. So , I urge, to all you moms out there, to think hard and long again. I am one of you ;I vaccinated my child and I’m happy I did that.