A spoonful of yogurt and other joys

To an onlooker we look like a bundle of mess, a sad story of treading through challenges and disappointment , with nothing to look forward to.

Sometimes this does feel closer to reality but it’s not always so. We live surprisingly normal lives with just a different routine and our own rhythm that most people fail to understand. We also have reasons to celebrate and smile that many would find insignificant.That is perhaps why we count our blessings more often.

My friend’s son is 15 , non-verbal and was never treated to be a part of the mainstream education because of his challenges. However , after long drawn efforts of urging people to focus on his competence rather than his challenges , for the first time he was going to take a regular , grade level assessment (Of Course with some reasonable accommodations). My friend and her son had really worked hard for this and today was the day. I was at work when I got a message from her saying her son made one of her dreams come true – she gave him a spoonful of yogurt !!! It’s common in our culture to offer a spoonful of sweet yogurt as a symbol of good luck. To many this would be too trivial a thing to even mention and here we were, brimming with pride and bawling our eyes out over it.  This was a symbolic representation of hope and victory. This reassured her that together they could overcome challenges and that if they tried , they probably could. It made her feel more , well, normal, and normal is exceptional for us.

The other day a friend sent a group message to a bunch of autism moms with a picture of her teenage son sitting in front of the TV. She was beyond excited. Why? Because it was for the very first time her son sat still and watched something on TV for 15 long minutes!!!! This was huge!! You could see that in her message. Think about when you last rebuked your 3 yr old for watching tv too long. Now think about this! It’s hard to wrap your head around it, right? It’s not for many of us. Instead, we see the joy in this.

Another friend recently was ecstatic over how her almost 18 yr old son was able to make a sandwich for himself. There is another friend whose 22 yr old was able to stay in their house on his own and watch their cat while they were an hour away on a boat house. She has not stopped raving about it since then. This is our joy , our reason to celebrate; the extraordinary that shines from the most ordinary of moments.

I’ve admiringly watched my 10 yr old son eat his meal on his own and I could watch him for hours doing just that. I know how difficult it was to reach here. I still talk about it with pride in my voice. The first time 2 yrs back when my son responded with a Hi! to another kid in the park, I couldn’t stop smiling for days. It felt like he had landed on the moon! Our happiness is just different that way.

I still remember the first time my son played 2 rounds of fetch with our dog who was determined to make my son throw the ball for him. I hugged them both countless times and I’m sure my friends have not heard the last of this incident. When he stood in a corner, doing literally nothing but still standing with the rest of the class for their school concert, I was speechless and joyous.

I still have a spring in my step when my son actually looks at me from his school bus and waves me back, which is a rarity. The day my son will be able to button down his shirt or put on his socks and shoes independently would be a day I would be crying my tears of joy. My joy is hidden in those moments that are largely invisible to others.

Every incident that makes us happy has a larger meaning for us. It gives us a reason to look forward and have expectations of a better tomorrow. It’s probably one less challenge to worry about. It’s a reason to dream of more success, it’s a reaffirmation of our belief in our child and it’s a promise of more.

The little things that make us celebrate are the things that normally go unnoticed in everyone else’s life. A smile, an eye contact, a hug, a hello,a wave, that one full night of sleep, a haircut that was uneventful, those are rour reasons to celebrate. That’s our spoonful of yogurt.